Virtual Homecoming: A Night Not Worth Having


Note: The following is a piece of satire, but the ideas behind the piece are all too real…

On Saturday students paid $5 for the passcode to Homecoming, and danced the night away on Zoom. Laggy music played through iPad speakers all around town and students wore fancy clothes from the waist up for a fun night on camera. 

For anyone who missed it (you didn’t miss much), students arrived in the waiting room and were sent a message in the chat:

Welcome to Homecoming 2020!

This dance is for CHS students and approved students from other schools only. Do not share this link with anyone who didn’t donate to the Student Council GoFundMe last week, is not a high schooler yet, or did not give their virtual signature as a student from a visiting school.

NOTICE: Your lights must be on in your background… OR ELSE.

If you are bored in the main room, send a private chat to one of the hosts to get sent to one of the following breakout rooms of your choice:

  • Center Circle
  • Karaoke 
  • Head bobbing to overplayed 2000s songs 
  • Girls crying in the bathroom
  • Awkward standing by the drinking fountain
  • Virtual Uno
  • Fighting couples
  • Dancing teachers
  • Just friendzoned over zoom support group
  • *Don’t see a room you like? Suggest your own!

Once entering the main room, students could see a DJ being screenshared and were chatted the link to a song request Google Form with pre-decided songs. 

“If you love the songs ‘Cotton-Eyed Joe’ and ‘Yeah,’ this music selection was for you,” one anonymous sophomore said.

There were also times when the DJ slowed it down, as there are every year, but this year instead of directly asking to share a dance, students were encouraged to use different color reaction hearts or participant icons to match someone else’s and get sent to a breakout room for a romantic moment.

Most students agreed this year was different in a way that only 2020 could make it.

“Honestly I wouldn’t want this dance any other way,” an anonymous junior claimed. “These are supposed to be the unforgettable days of our youth, and they will be. I can’t wait to tell my grandkids about virtual Homecoming when they try and complain about how bad their school dances are. Hearing about my WiFi crash in the middle and grinding in breakout rooms will really shut them up.”

One senior remarked that she was thankful to have a last Homecoming dance, but she won’t be attending virtual Winter Carnival unless John Krasinski is hosting it on Youtube.

“As hard as Chelsea tried, SGN Virtual Prom was just better,” she said.

At the end of the night, the breakout rooms closed, and everyone was brought together to sing along and scroll through the participants tab clicking their hands up and down with the rhythm of Journey’s hit song that ends the dance every year: “Don’t Stop Believing.”