Dear Ancient Humans,

I know my letter may be finding you 30,000-ish years too late, but I had an Idea that I must share with you! It’s about dogs, or rather, domesticating them. Sure, they can be cute and provide us with endless amounts of companionship, but what if there was a better option. Perhaps…Bears. Yes, I’m talking about those large furry behemoths whose claws could take your head off. I know it sounds crazy, but I really think you could have pulled it off. Both creatures enjoy scratches, have a playful nature, are members of the Caniformia Suborder (In the future we have this whole system to classify animals) and just have the most lovable faces. However, I believe Bears have even more benefits than Dogs do.

One of these benefits is protection. Some people do own dogs for protection, and some breeds are even regarded or stereotyped as “guard dogs.” All Bears however, are equipped with a powerful bite, massive claws, and a tough hide, perfect for fighting off home invaders (or maybe just getting rid of unwanted house guests). On the flip side, if you’re out with your Bear and see someone being attacked, you can rush in with 400-800 pounds of back-up.

Another bonus of domesticating Bears would be their calm, but playful personalities. Although they may appear to be aggressive at first glance, Bears have actually been observed to be rather calm, even shy, animals. However, they can also be playful, joyful, and even empathetic. Then you have dogs, who prefer to sleep, eat, and break at strangers all day (or night). To me, the better choice seems obvious.

My last (and favorite) point on why Bears should have been domesticated is that they are just the most adorable bathing ever. I mean seriously, look one of those things in their big eyes and tell me you wouldn’t fall in love with it. You could argue that dogs are also adorable, and you would be right…however dogs are not bears, therefore that argument is not valid.

To conclude this letter I just want to say that you guys definitely fumbled this opportunity, and if I ever acquire a time machine, I know what the first thing I will be doing.

Many thanks,

Tanner J. Linde