My English teacher introduced me to the saying, “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good of good enough.” Her saying this during the stress of junior year made it stick with me. It’s the perfect definition of this crazy junior year and the greatest lesson I’ve learned: sometimes, letting go of perfection uncovers the good. This mentality is something I will take with me and live by in the future.

Before junior year, I always told myself I had to get A’s. I would study for hours and pretty much always earn the grades I wanted. This year was different. I wanted to push myself this year, which led me to sign up for two AP classes. I believed I could do it because I never seemed to struggle in my past classes. As the first couple of weeks went by, I felt great. I had an A in the class, and even though there was a lot of work, I was still getting the perfect grades I wanted. More weeks went by, and we had to begin studying for our first test. Tests are so important to me because they give me the chance to see what I’m understanding and what’s not making sense. So like I always do before a test, I studied. But since this was an AP class, I studied harder than ever, asked questions, and got all my work done on time. As I came in on test day, I felt uneasy, like I wasn’t prepared. I thought to myself that this has to just be my head freaking because I studied for hours the night before. I tried to shake it off and push through the test, but these questions were so hard for me. I would be looking at the question, and it was like I had forgotten how to read. When I finally finished the test, I was eagerly waiting for the score to pop up. I kept refreshing and waiting. I don’t think I have ever been this stressed before. When the score popped up, my heart felt like it fell to the pit of my stomach. It was maybe one of the worst scores on a test I had ever gotten. I almost cried right then and there because I didn’t know how this was even possible. I had studied for so long and was putting in all my effort. But I guess none of that seemed to matter as I still managed to fall short. What’s worse was that other people around me didn’t seem to struggle. Some kids came in that day, going, “ Wait. We had a test today!? I don’t even study!” And somehow, they still walked away with exceptional grades. It was so discouraging, and it made me begin to question everything: Was my best no longer good enough? 

I knew going into these AP classes that I was going to be pushed a lot more than in past years. With that push, the striving for perfection increased, making the weight I was carrying harder to hold. I thought if I just studied harder, that would be the fix to this problem. I was wrong again, it felt like patterns just kept persisting. The weight of perfection was starting to get unbearable, and I would come home a wreck every day, thinking these AP classes were a huge mistake. My parents started to notice the pressure I was under and talked to me. They noticed how every day, I would wake up, get ready for school, do homework, go to school, come home, do more homework, go to dance, and finally, to end my day, more homework! I wasn’t getting to spend a lot of time with my family, which made me sad, and them as well. As we talked, something my dad told me opened my mind to a new mindset: “ I don’t care if you were to completely fail a test,” he said. “The only thing that has mattered to me is how hard you have been working.” I was finally able to breathe and let go of persistent stress after he said this. I started being kinder to myself as I was finally able to see how hard I’ve been working. I started to be ok with good, and let go of perfection. As this stress was relieved, I started to see improvements in how I did on my AP tests. They still weren’t perfect, but they were something to be content with. Just to get more assurance, my teacher pulled up an AP score calculator to see what score I would get with my performance on the tests. It turned out that the work I was doing would be adequate on the AP exam. I was so surprised. This whole time, I thought perfection was the only way to pass, but what I was getting, even though it felt awful, was good enough.

Junior year has taught me a lot about myself. But the most important thing I learned was it’s ok not to be perfect. Perfection may seem good in the moment to strive for, but what we don’t realize is the weight it carries and holds down on you over time. Perfection is not realistic. I never got a perfect score on those practice tests I took in my AP classes, sometimes, I wouldn’t even get close. It felt awful in the moment, and even while writing this, I still struggle to say it’s ok not to be perfect. Especially now, while I’m waiting for my AP test scores to come back. One side of me wants them to be perfect, but the other side has learned from this junior year that what matters most is the amount of work I put in and how I never gave up. My message to everyone, whether you’re a junior or not, striving for perfection may seem like a beneficial way to push yourself to your very best, but even if you may feel like that’s not good enough, don’t let that discourage you, because the work you do is still quality.